Assignment Earth

Nicholas, the runaway

I believe I’m going to have to hire the vocal coach who worked with Larry Hagman when he went out to Hollywood to start “I Dream of Jeannie”. Perhaps an elocution or diction expert. My youngest boy, now 2, is talking at an accelerated rate every day.   And to my horror, is talking more and more like my mother (whom he stays with during the work day).   While I’m grateful she looks after him I think I need to give her a gag order not to speak to, or around, either of my children.   He’s picked up more and more of her West Texas twang then I would like.    He’s started to say phrases like “I cain’t do it, Dad.    I wont to get out of my high chair, Dad.     I don’t wont to, Dad. I cain’t and I wont. When he asks to stay in the bathtub a little longer the word STAY has 14 syllables in it.

My mother’s a good woman, a sweet woman, but she’s from Snyder Texas.   Powers Booth is from Snyder.   Lee Horsely is from Snyder.   That weepy eyed Brad Maul from General Hospital, or One Life Live, or some annoying ABC soap is from Snyder.  Tommy Lee Jones grew up close to there.  Dan Blocker grew up close to there.   Those people are allowed to speak that way but not my son.   It’s really not fair.   He doesn’t know he’s doing it and has no defenses yet.

I’m getting on it.   And I guess I should have said, yes, Larry Hagman is from Texas.   Weatherford, I believe, near Dallas.   I’ve heard Hagman lately.   He seems to have not had a relapse after all these years.   I’ll find his coach.